07 October 2012

Rhetorical Thoughts: The Umbrella Distribution

You are out with your better half or a good friend on a seemingly lovely day. And then it rains... And you realise that once again- like an idiot who should know better by now since you live in London for a good few years- you forgot the one useful thing you should always carry with you: the umbrella.

Then your companion pulls out that typical black umbrella, probably bought from one of those strategically positioned men around Oxford street on another rainy day when they were as forgetful and stupid as you. And then it happens! The attempt to share the umbrella.

You first try to figure out who's best to hold it (probably the tallest one). Then you try to get as close to each other as possible without depriving each other precious oxygen. Then you try to position yourself in a way that you won't have the accidental bum-to-bum slap when you walk. But it doesn't work; mathematically it DOES NOT work. And it will NEVER work [unless you carry a tent].

Umbrella sharing is a useless negotiation process and, quite frankly, annoying. You always end up with two half-wet people. It's better to have one perfectly dry, comfortable, and probably evolutionary fittest person. I rest my case.
Image credit:
Painting by Gordon Bruce at http://gordonbruce.deviantart.com/ 

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