Why I choose Heavy Metal (why should you?)

I tried...technically! I can't say that I haven't. I tried to listen to popular music, when at the age of 9 or 10 (I don't really remember....

Ozzy: Rock Legend or Just a (Old) Man?

I have just watched the documentary "God Bless Ozzy Osbourne" which was apparently directed by his son Jack Osbourne. It has been characterised from monumental to insightful and generally received...

Brian Johnson Vs Bon Scott: A Scientific approach to an ongoing AC/DC debate

We have all been there. And by "there" I mean have been part of the oldest debate in AC/DC history and probably one of the biggest in Rock history in general. Who is better, Bon Scott or Brian Johnson?...

Religion Vs Rock N' Roll

I know, the title couldn't be more kitschy and lame. But here is what the world has come to! I have been avoiding to get into this debate (i.e. the religion, not the Rock N' Roll one) for obvious reasons...

Mind under training (Introduction)

I realised that while I have been writing my extremely influential (!) articles, I still haven’t introduced myself properly...

Showing posts with label Keith Richards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Keith Richards. Show all posts

19 August 2013

The Rolling Stones Un-reviewed

This is a belated report on the recent Rolling Stones gig I attended. Recent being July! I know, I've been really bad in keeping up with the demands of the blog; I do apologise to those very few people that check it very rarely!

Now, as per the legend it is the Stones, a review in the traditional sense is not appropriate now, is it? Still, we, common humans are entitled to an opinion (I hope).


Just to give a bit of a background, I may or may not have posted a really indignant piece on the price tags for the Stones mini-tour last year. Truth is I was broke, didn't have £300 to spare even for the Stones, and quite bitter I could not attend. Being hypocritical as we all are, I did spend money to watch them after all; this time though it was £100ish. Quite reasonable for such a legendary band, right?


This was a festival sponsored by Barclays bank (enter irony [here]) and for those unfamiliar it entails a number of useless opening bands before the good stuff come on stage. In this case the useless bit was infused with brit-pop, alt-"rock" (or whatever they are) bands.

These are bands that:

a) Somehow think that by putting a "The" in front of their name makes them reach the standards of legends like the The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Animals, The Who etc etc. It doesn't.

b) Probably invented the whole worthless hipster sub-culture. I am sorry BUT wearing glasses when you can see perfectly is... well.... kindly put.... messed up!

c) Sound the same. Seriously, copy.... paste.

d) Are more mundane than Steven Seagal's acting. Kidding! Who doesn't like the odd Seagal marathon with 50-year old dad.

Back to the Stones. This was their first gig in Hyde Park after 44 years. I spent about £20ish of my ticket (the part that I guess goes to the above-mentioned bands) going to the toilet, queuing for beer, eating, relaxing, posing for photographs (!) and trying not to listen to background noise! I do have to admit Mr. Gary Clark Jnr., probably the only one worth seeing, was there and also played on stage with the Stones. For the blues fans out there, search for him, he is kind of amazing.

This is what I've been doing while "The" bands played; Unflattering, annoyed, beer-filled poses!
The Rolling Stones...What a show! Not surprisingly, they were (ridiculously) incredible. Charlie played the drums like the veteran that he is and Ronnie was being The Ronnie from all the legendary "The" bands he was part of in the past. Mick sang and danced and played his harmonica like he had the lungs of a 17 year old. Seriously, that energy, those moves! I thought he may dislocate a hip before the end of the gig but how wrong I was; that guy is F-I-T physically and vocally. And Keith, aka Keef, played his skillful blues, wore a green jacket, and kept being as cool as always. He is officially the best ancient "thing" I've seen live in my life. And I've seen lots of ancients like Ozzy, Lemmy, Tyler, Dio* and the lot.


All in all, I feel honoured and very very lucky that I got to see them. I felt like this was my last chance and I managed to do it! Now, considerably poorer from all the summer festivals, I get to take a break from gigs for a while. Ok, perhaps not that long; maybe 'till November when Lemmy comes back.


[*Disclaimer: Dio was and will forever be my top gig-attendance accomplishment. Period.] 

16 February 2013

Rock N' Roll Goes To Hollywood

Unavoidably and to our amusement, arts get mingled at times. Hence, actors may sometimes come to be underutilized musical talents (e.g. Johnny Depp playing with Manson) or even ridiculously lost causes (e.g. Keanu Reeves with Dogstar [?]). On the other hand, many of our beloved musicians have appeared in cameo roles through the years. While very few left history (i.e. Spinal Tap), others where forgotten or even overlooked altogether. Here is an overview of some of the cameo appearances I found quite amusing (the list is not extensive). Some are well-known, others are not, and a few of these left me with that "what the hell" expression for days...

The Darwin Awards feat. Metallica
Two guys who are desperate to get into a Metallica gig do the classic "over the fence" move - just not so successfully! Headbanging while smoking a joint while hanging from a tree is not advisable. Priceless: Lars advising on drugs and Hetfield attempting to joke!


Despite this film, Lars also appeared in the mediocre "Get him to the Greek" with an equally mediocre very brief performance!

Monsterdog feat. Alice Cooper
We know Alice is an avid horror film fan, hence his graphic live shows. Known and unknown roles in movies include "The prince of darkness", "The attic expeditions" and "Freddy's Dead: The final nightmare", in the latter as Freddy's dad. The most famous though, it's his educational speech about Milwaukee in "Wayne's world". But my favourite must be "Monsterdog" where Alice plays a pop star cum lycanthrope or werewolf if you wish. Priceless: Alice pulling off the leather pants look since forever!


XXX feat. Rammstein
Well, not exactly what you call an acting cameo appearance, nonetheless Rammstein perform in this movie the way they know best. Priceless: Budgeting Rammstein's pyro show in the production costs!


Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny feat. Ronnie James Dio
If you have yet to watch this legend of a movie I suggest you go have a brain scan. I don't know what is funnier in this movie: Meatloaf playing a conservative religious father, Jack Black's scarily identical young self, or Dave Grohl as kinky Satan. Dio's certainly not funny at all as he manages to take a silly song and turn it into an anthem!


Eat the Rich feat. the one and only Lemmy
Lemmy stole the show in many movies by just being present! Cameo appearances include "Charlie's death wish", "Airheads", "Frezno smooth", "Terror firmer" "Citizen toxie: The toxic avenger", "The curse of El Charro"... I could go on for a while. Truth is, Lemmy has no real talent in acting, obviously! But there is something about this movie. Priceless: The saxophone guys who took their roles way too seriously, considering!


Detroit Rock City feat. KISS
Who can forget this surprisingly good movie produced by Gene Simmons himself? Priceless: "Knights in Satan's Service"!


Married with Children feat. Anthrax
Quite shy within the movie world Anthrax only appeared briefly in the movie "Calendar girls" [believe it or not!]. Scott Ian also portrayed a quite convincing zombie in "The walking dead" TV series. But what can top the band's cameo appearance in "Married with children"? Priceless: Scott without a beard and Belladonna's non-aging face! Seriously, what's wrong with that guy?


Little Nicky feat. Ozzy
I wouldn't expect to ever say this but I honestly think Ozzy's got talent in acting! From his appearance in "The American way",  "The jerky boys", or his amazing performance as a reverend (no, you are not hallucinating) in "Trick or treat"....advocating against rock pornography! My own personal favourite though has to be his role in "Little Nicky" purely because I can't believe how awful that movie was and how much better Ozzy made it. Priceless: The bat incident taken to a whole new level!


Pirates of the Caribbean feat. Keith Richards 
"Does this face look like it's been to the fountain of youth?" Need I say more?




                                                                                                                                                                                            
Image credits:
http://screenrant.com/

20 October 2012

Stone-Rolling the Money Dough

Yes I am pissed off. Who wouldn't be? But not with the band. Not really.

I am talking of course about the "outrageous" ticket prices for The Rolling Stones gigs. First, let's get things straight. They are The Rolling Stones and, yes, a logical person would have expected the ticket prices to be as high as they are. I mean, come on, did you really think you can watch the Stones for free? Have you heard about a thing called money? You know, the most important thing in the world, the moving force? No? Then take some socio-economical lessons, or simply look around you.

I don't understand how would anyone think the Stones are above money; why would they be? Sure, you paid for their food in the last 50 years [and their Bentley, their villas, their drugs etc] but didn't you get something in return? Records, cassettes, CDs, gig experiences. This is a two-way process, they offer a "service" for your money. It is an exchange; you pay, you get. You did not "make them a favour" as I heard many say. The only favour you make, is to yourself; passing through life with a good taste in music.

Now that I cleared things in that front, I'll move to the angry part. Of course, I am angry. But as I said not with the band or the ticket prices. And here I mean the prices as set by the Stones management and not the re-sell ones. As a logical person would do [and I do not praise myself here], I set a limit on how much I was willing to pay to see them live. I said, given my current circumstances, I'd pay a maximum of £250, the approximate price for a festival ticket. 'Cause lets face it, the Stones are worth 100 bands together. Yet I wouldn't pay significantly more than I paid for the legend that it is Bob Dylan, or Black Sabbath, or even Dio.

BUT! As it happened with the Zeppelin tickets, the posh "disagreeable persons" (that is the kindest version of the word assholes) and the ticket touts got them all. As a fan, I made sure I got access to the pre-sale by hunting down my O2 friends for their "priority" benefits. Priority my ass! It shouldn't surprise me that my "connection is down", or that their "server is down", or that I "have been placed in a queue", or even that my "request is being processed" while all the touts with their tricks, fiber-optic broadband, and hundreds of staff, where already purchasing all the lower priced tickets and re-selling them for 4 times their face value.

Unsurprisingly, same thing happened on the general sale day. And I ask! Why do we, the fans, allow this to happen? These people put a £106 ticket for £19,000!!! Seriously, instead of boycotting the gig, why not boycott these websites? You are part of the problem, so stop complaining about the prices when you would happily pay these websites your money on other occasions. If the price is right [and I mean face value] go for it. But stop being hypocritical... It's all about the money after all, be it selling or buying.

The best solution for me is The Rolling Stones playing a three-day festival-like gig somewhere in a big empty space where 400,000 people could attend each day; not the O2 "arena". Do the maths: nearly a million proper fans [cause the posh disagreeable persons would not go into the muddy fields even for a Stones gig] each paying £100, and the Stones having a cash in of more millions they can ever spend in their remaining years! And that's just in UK. But hey, what do I know, right?

In the meantime, I take control of my rage, wish The Rolling Stones good luck with their gig and with having Paris Hilton and all the other "disagreeables" in the front row (!), and head off to buy my Alice Cooper Halloween tickets for no more than £44 per head!

See you on the next Pirates of the Caribbean Keef!
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Image credits:
http://www.billboard.com
http://noisey.vice.com

22 December 2011

Ozzy: Rock Legend or Just a (Old) Man?

I have just watched the documentary "God Bless Ozzy Osbourne" which was apparently directed by his son Jack Osbourne. It has been characterised from monumental to insightful and generally received good reviews.

While watching it, I couldn't help but feel proud of myself for choosing to (still) listen to and admire such great rock legends as Ozzy, Lemmy, Keith Richards and many others. I don't know what it is about, but I have realised through the years what all heavy metal documentaries portray as the "heavy metal family" pride (well sort of). I mean, if somebody asked me, after watching the documentary with me, what I found fascinating and remarkable about the story and the rock legend in question, I would honestly go mad! Especially if they started arguing with me about the standard clichés of drug addiction in Rock N' Roll. Really, you can't see it?!
Still! Despite me going me(n)tal toward an unsuspecting bystander with probably a more objective critical view on things (and probably a keen interest in the "oh-so-mainstream-and-fashionable-pop-music" as well.....come on, you know I can't help it!), I kind of see it. I see IT! I see the great Ozzy Osbourne pissed by drugs and alcohol, a walking zombie and can't stop questioning my judgement. Are these the people I wish to call my "idols"?


(And just about now, all metal fans reading this would want to kick me in the head! But bear with me and my long train of thoughts!)

This epiphany surprised me and my overly critical mind which is narrow in terms of music. Although I hate drugs and generally whatever alters what it is a shitty yet beautiful reality, I can't just abandon my "metal family"! Mr. Osbourne was presented as a regretful rock legend, family man, human being.

And here comes my big Eureka moment! Ozzy Osbourne is actually an old man. Isn't he? Of course he is the Prince of Darkness, the Voice, the father of metal etc etc. But he is an old man. He's been a naive teenager, with low self-esteem, with family and personal issues, could not handle fame and fortune, a dysfunctional human being throughout his lifetime... Just like all of us?

My psychological background taught me that different people cope through different adaptive or maladaptive ways. He chose the second. And apparently he is still alive for some strange reason (genetics mostly!). He is portrayed as a winner, someone you should admire because he survived and is now sober. As soon as my other critical self turned to ask me (the musically narrow-minded self) "so what? there are lots of non-famous people out there overcoming the same issues" I nearly kicked me (my critical self) in the head too!

Sure there are people out there deserving great admiration. On the other hand, rock legends are ought to be happy and grateful right? They are wealthy and better off than a "normal" person. Not quite. Rock legends were led to believe they had money, led to believe they owned their music and the reasons for the ones that actually do have money are stupendous deals such as the Osbourne family reality show (something I wish not to get into!). My point is, Heavy Metal doesn't give the wealth that pop "music" provides it's puppies with.

I, therefore, feel proud to say I admire Mr. Osbourne and the gang. Because my dear friends, Ozzy and the gang are  just old men. Old men who overcame their maladaptive behaviours while still managing to work, while still creating rock history, while still entertaining with (a)live shows, all under the public eye, as openly and as honestly as they could, only to become the legends they are (and deserve to be) today. And the great thing is that they are still alive to tell their story!
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Image credits:
http://metal-army.com/
http://www.rockpic.net

02 October 2011

Why I Choose Heavy Metal (Why Should You?)

I tried...technically! I can't say that I haven't.

I tried to listen to popular music, when at the age of 9 or 10 (I don't really remember and honestly, I try not to), I found myself collecting photos of boybands (you know, the ones that surprisingly enough have lost their other half and cry their eyes out because they are alone singing on a rainy night? Those ones!). You see, boybands where a hit in the 90s era. The thing is, though, I don't even know a song of theirs if you ask me now (it is a fact that your brain automatically blocks stressful or negative experiences).

People who know me would say that hearing is not the best of my 5 (or maybe 6?) senses. My own little research suggests this is probably attributed to several vain attempts to listen to a whole Britney Spears song instead of several years of Heavy Metal madness.

You see, even then, I kind of felt that pop (where the hell does that term come from anyway?) was not the music that "touched" my heart (probably because it's empty, shallow, and useless) and I realised that quite early in my life - thankfully long before I had my ears exploding from all the crap they had to endure and before all my brain cells had the chance to melt away, while I was trying to discover myself!



My induction to the "Heavy Metal Family" happened when my heart skipped a beat while listening to the combination of Ozzy's vocals and Iommi's musical genius on Electric Funeral. My full conversion took place while listening to AC/DC when I realised I was actually heading for heaven and not hell, as instructed...



Heavy Metal has always been misunderstood by society although it's the most genuine genre out there (not considering the blood-sucking production companies - hey, the world is not that perfect - and the odd band complex with money - yes Lars I am talking about you).


On the contrary, pop music has been reduced to vanity because of:

1. The song lyrics - a 10 yr old would come up with a better line than "umbrella, ella, ella...oh!" or "hit me baby one more time" (honestly shoot the guy that writes this crap, it's an intellectual if not a social crime damn it)
 2. The music - which is completely computerised and basically indistinctive (wait a minute, I thought music = instruments, no? Well, what do I know!)
 3. The voice - better put a cow sing since the performer only needs to move lips and other appropriate body parts
 4. The "artist" - who is made to order (too much make-up, too little clothes, few brain cells and even less synapses)

Music needs to make sense, right? Just an overview of the great musicians and performers of all time indicates that most come from the Rock n' Roll and Heavy Metal music genres (truth is in these genres if you are crap you are ripped to pieces by fans, deservingly so!). Heavy Metal artists appreciate the experience of producing something great and most of the times meaningful (I admit there are some "diamonds" out there too - the glam years produced most of these and so did the 00s).



What I am trying to say is that Heavy Metal with all its oddities (Marilyn Manson, Alice Cooper), its strange/invalid connection to the occult (Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin), its social stigma (i.e. sex, drugs, & rock n' roll), its weird phenomena (air guitar, headbanging, sign of the horns), its exceptional vocalists (RJ Dio, Rob Halford, Bruce Dickinson, Robert Plant etc), its musical geniuses (Tony Iommi, Keith Richards, Jimmy Page etc), its out-of-this-world lyricists (RJ Dio - yes again!, Lemmy Kilmister etc), its uncounted lawsuits (Twisted Sister, Judas Priest, Manson), its anthems (Stairway to Heaven, Smoke on the Water, Back in Black, Sweet Child of Mine and many more), is undoubtedly the most versatile music genre which remains strong even after 40 years, which still recruits more and more fans, a genre which, when it evolves, it does so in the most creative and amazing way possible.


Allow yourself to go to just one live gig, watch the passion and energy with which each band member delivers and the ecstasy of the crowd, and tell me then if you actually need drugs to get you that high!

Welcome to the Heavy Metal world!

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Image credits:
http://www.metal-army.com/
http://www.black-sabbath.com/
https://www.acdc.com/uk/
http://www.ledzeppelin.com

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