"IT" Is The Life

by guest author while(TRUE){life();}

This piece is dedicated to all the engineers, tech-savvies, and geeks out there. A timeline of progress, disappointment, anger management issues, and liberation! 

The Education 
HND in Computer Engineering
BEng in Computer Engineering
MSc in Data Communication

The Student Experience 
During my years at uni I got everything that anyone could ever imagine: made good friends, was taught how to think like an engineer, did fun projects, and spent countless hours in labs (even the pizza guy learned were the labs were and came knocking on the door to deliver the usual!). My knowledge of communication systems was growing exponentially on a daily basis and something inside me was always pushing me to go the extra mile, like changing the code of a software so we can file-share with friends.

The First Job 

Junior Network Engineer: new toys, new experience, and a lot more to learn. I was working on a production system an entire company was depending on with everything working like a Swiss watch. I wish I could say that was true for me at the beginning of my career! That something inside me kept me going and going, no stop for me until I got it right; playing with new toys is like a fat kid in a candy store for an engineer (ok, ok for the sake of political correctness let’s say overweight). Within a year I became the lead, the authority on everything and anything (in engineering terms the “in case s**t man”). I was learning fast and I was having fun and I was getting paid for it as well, the trifecta for any engineer out there. Light-bulb moments were coming in thick and fast.  

The Wake-up Call 
Then a change happened. I came across office politics. I do not like office politics, I do not do office gossip, and I hate back-stabbers (that’s right, you all shall burn in hell). That is not my game, I'm an engineer, genetically programmed to look at the cold hard facts and formulate an answer to a problem. But I soon realised... office politics do work. Knowledge-less people were moving up the ladder, playing with Facebook all day long (that’s right am part of the resistance) while others dealt with problems they caused. Well, I consider them f***ing parasites! That something inside me started to get really upset. I kept everything in check, kept true and worked smart and hard.

Career Take 2
Solutions Architect: new people, new opportunities, new systems to learn. I was part of a team that were the technical experts on any technology the company had to offer. It didn't took me long, six months down the line I became the team leader, I was performing training courses from the most advanced technologies to entry-level for everyone. For any difficulty that came along, I was the answer. The trifecta was back, learning new technologies, sharing knowledge and getting paid for it. Before the year coming to an end I was awarded as one of the top business' performers.

The Games
Funny how things change though, it took a year before I started noticing the office politics again. I locked horns with one of the sales directors; these guys really don't like us! The engineer in me prevailed. Keep true I said to myself, keep true. That evil thing inside me kept growing stronger and stronger by the day though.

The Realisation
Well after that fiasco and almost two years down the line I have seen some ugly truths and even more ugly people! The same pattern over and over again, knowledge-less idiots move along the line, just by using office politics. They steal your ideas present them as their own and get the credit for it. Well that is office politics for you people. Still, there are technology companies out there that have it right and that is why they are called pioneers of technology.

Moving On 

Now I have interviews lined up and it all looks good, but that thing inside me has grown into a full figure with black attire, an army of evil, and some respiratory problems. It’s getting harder and harder to keep IT in line (see what I did there?). But its voice is always there in the background whispering... 

WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE, WE DO HAVE COOKIES!!!
(and gaming platforms, gadgets, and loose virtual women)

                                                                                                                                                                                                      

 while(TRUE){life();} has now got a job that he is temporarily happy with. He is so intelligent as to be considered a genius by his friends who expect him to make lots of money and share the wealth with his fanclub. He is a proud geek, gamer, and spectacle-wearer and does think that geeks rule [honestly]. He is also the only member of the Facebook Résistance and quite paranoid about his digital footprint and for these reasons only you cannot really follow him anywhere. Except in real life. But that would make you a stalker. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Image credits:

perspectives.3ds.com

www.wallforever.info

vi.sualize.us

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Just a Step from Nowhere

Here it is! My attempt to self-therapy! This is another poem-like creation of mine. I would call it one of my earlier experimentations with writing song lyrics. The title pretty much says it all. Dio would have probably burst out laughing if he ever read this but hey, if I had Ronnie's talent, I wouldn't be posting questionable "lyrics" here. But then again, If I had Ronnie's talent, I wouldn't be writing this kind of "masterpieces" in the first place!

For those wondering, no I wasn't suffering from depression back then, I was merely trying to be deep. I failed miserably...

Lying here feeling nothing at all
Looking around, seeing it all wrong.
Faces are coming, then leave and forget
Most of them don’t know but still they regret.

Hey, listen! That’s just what I want.
You offer a life but I’m not very fond of.

Still lying here without a thought
Poor little face with nothing to hope.
Can someone tell me what I’m looking for?
Am going crazy, can’t stand this no more.

Hey, listen! That’s just what I want.
You offer a life but I’m not very fond of.

Weird thoughts filling my head
Loosing my mind, I might have been dead.
For a moment I think help‘s coming near
But all I can feel is me dying here!

Hey, listen! That’s me and I’m crying.
Just hope you could save me from my painful dying!

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Ode to the Souls

This is a piece of writing I created when I was in a considerably worse psychological and surely less mature state. It's funny how post-teenagehood angst along with a combination of words can transform into a weird "poem". Enjoy but don't take it too seriously, it's not meant to be a piece of art! Quite the opposite.

Endless tyranny that refuses to seize.

Fear (...), in the strange figures that pose in front of Life.

(...) of the End?

The desire for Life...

Is deadly.

Souls chased by Sadness.

Shady, empty.

Curious souls dressed up with vague masks.

Delusions between...

they are scared

they withstand

they kill

and they get killed.

Sedulous straggle for existence.

Is it worth it?

they ignore but they endure.

Without purpose, without reason.

Naked hopes, reckless acts.

Blind path towards infinity.

They survive.

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Image Credits:

Painting by Alex Gardega at http://gardega.com

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Where Do You Stand In The "Twattering" World?

by Guest Author Jokka

Express your most insightful thoughts to the world in 140 characters or less. Some of us politics students can only dream of a world where social scientists would be so kind as to be that succinct. That said, in the brief time that Twitter has caught and held my attention I have found it somewhat difficult to condense a thought into 140 characters without havin 2 make sum serious compromises 2 my spellin n grama, a task that is in no way natural to me on account of my time spent in the long-winded world of social science. Why use 140 characters when 140 million will do? Because it's fun I hear you cry! Here's my take on the weird and wonderful people who flock to the phenomenon that is twitter.

Image by Tony Gigov

The Nympho Tweeter 

This tweeter is prolific and not afraid to show it. Often these users will log on through their mobile phones, tweeting their every thought, move and traumatic event. Quantity rather than quality is often the angle with this bunch.

E.g. So now Im @ the station waitin 4 my train. Got a mag & sum crisps from the shop. Yay

The Gluttonous Tweeter

Often a direct descendent of the Nympho Tweeter who perhaps has run out of things to say. This tweeter is seemingly always eating, posting details of their every meal and even posting pictures of everything from their gourmet burger at the local gastro pub to their failed attempts at a chocolate soufflé.

E.g. 4 lunch Im havin a BLT sarnie on brown from Greggs n a red Ribena. Dont no 2 get pasty 2

The Comedy Hash-Tag Tweeter 

This is the kind of Tweeter that I one day may aspire to be. Not prolific enough to be annoying, and certainly witty enough to be worth a read, the Comedy Hash-Tag Tweeter will tweet anecdotes from their day, or interesting thoughts and insert a hash-tag with a comic twist. 

Eg. I just realised I can fit 34 grapes into my mouth at once. #slutty

The Trendy Tweeter 

The tweeter will observe what the current trends are on twitter and then proceed to tell everyone who or what is trending, often to their disbelief or disgust, and include them in the post thus continuing the trend. This particular tweeter baffles me. The activity is not dissimilar to the real life scenario created by stock market speculation, without the often horrific consequences, though still just as systemically inevitable and pointless. 

E.g. OMG *insert z-list celeb here* is trending. Why the hell is #*aforementioned z-list celeb* trending!! Uhggh!!

The Retweeter A.k.a The Distribution Tweeter

Pretty self explanatory... They use Twitter for the sole purpose of spreading or re-tweeting what someone else has already said, seemingly unable to make a similar remark in 140 characters or less. Although, they often re-tweet interesting links when they fancy.

E.g. RT wat Thatotherguy656 said

Image by Tony Gigov

The Spam-Twitter Tweeter

Most of what is on the internet is not actually porn as many believe but spam. In actual fact, spam is a tech term for advertising. The real life equivalent of junk mail. Often falls under two sub-categories:

- The Ordinary Spam-Twitter Tweeter

People using twitter to spread phishing scams and advertising club nights, home-made jewellery and just about anything else you can possibly imagine. Ordinary people circulating spam will be reported and possibly banned from Twitter.

- The Celeb Spam-Twitter Tweeter

Celebrities using Twitter to promote their new book, CD, tour, film and anything else you can possibly imagine. Alan Sugar is a frequent offender on my homepage. Celebrities circulating spam will make lots of money and be adored by Twitter. 

E.g. Club Getyourtitsandlegsout.Sat.Cheap drinks.Presentin DJ MydaddyboughtmeamixingdeckandBeatsheadphonesforxmas

E.g. Buy my book u nonces! NOW! *Amazon link*

[BTW - I hope you all enjoyed my play on words dedicated to every ones' favourite surprise meat breakfast treat. It's there for you in good times and nuclear fallout alike].

The Silent Tweeter

Doesn't actually do much tweeting at all but simply uses Twitter to keep tabs on celebrities. Often these are obsessive individuals. May lead to actually physical stalking, which I am obligated to state could lead to prosecution in the United Kingdom.

The Ex-Facebooker Tweeter

People who moved on to using Twitter when they found themselves constantly updating their status and not doing much else.

E.g. #MarkZuckerburgisdissapointedinyou

The Everything-But Tweeter

This tweeter will often be the amalgamation of many kinds of tweeters – Retweeting, spamming, answering to tweets, silently stalking etc... However, regardless of the mix they all have one thing in common. They never tweet any original tweets of their own, but will agree to do 'everything-but', thus keeping their Twitterginity intact – arguably.

The Complicated Tweeter

How would I describe my relationship with Twitter? It's Complicated. I'm a bit of commitment-phobe and I don't want Twitter to get its hopes up. Besides, I might just stay with Facebook for now until google plus' chlamydia clears up.

E.g. I'm really starting to understand this Twitter business #lies

So tell me, what kind of Tweeter are you then?

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Jokka is currently unemployed but will tell stories for food. She loves stand up comedy, Chuck Palahniuk, bizarre films and eating. If she could spend the rest of her life doing one thing she'd spend it on a beach with bottle of rum in one hand and a man with low standards in the other while she dictates her articles to a type-writing parrot with a higher IQ than most of the cast of Glee. She is simultaneously looking forward to and dreading her stand up début next month. You can follow her thoughts by visiting her blog at http://thelaughingarmadillo.blogspot.com/

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Image Credits:

Tony Gigov on http://www.pink-sheep.com

http://www.toondoo.com

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Black N' White World

WARNING: This post is not intended for people who get easily offended.

As you may have noticed by now, I get annoyed with many things in life but the one thing that works every time is human stupidity. Stupidity does not capture the full essence of what I mean here but feel free to substitute with your own preferences. Under stupidity I usually include the following amongst other:

•          Lack of self-awareness
•          Selective narrow-mindedness
•          Lack of intellectual properties/processes
•          Herd-like approaches to opinion
•          Lack of knowledge
•          Ignorance by choice
•          Self-righteousness
•          Hypocrisy

One such manifestation of human stupidity (who I have the good luck of not knowing personally) managed to make my blood boil and the veins in my forehead stick out. This being, which from now on I’ll refer to as the thing posted a picture capturing the various stages of (surgical) abortion. Then underneath that picture there comes the flock.

Opinions were unified under a general hateful theme:

“shame to those who do it”, “horrendous”, “disgusting”, “how can people do it”, “murderers”, “crime”, “I would never do such a thing”, “wrong”, “innocent soul”, “whores those who do it” and my personal favourites “religion says it’s wrong” & “babies are godsend gifts”!

If you are amongst people who have such opinions, then you might want to look away and not read any further. The thing that posted that picture claims to be an educated person and from a discipline where such black and white opinions are not encouraged or promoted. But anyway I will not focus on the stupidity of just one person, it would be rather unfair!

First of all, there are two types of people who see the world in black and white:

1. Genuinely narrow-minded: The type of person, who refuses any alternatives offered to them, despite the provision of good arguments.
   
           Example: “There is a god, and he is watching us. Darwin was just another nutter who sailed around the world and collected birds for a hobby."
2. Ignorant: This is the type of person, who refuses to use the few brain cells that kind Nature offered to them and prefers to go along with the flow or the masses.
   Example: “Religion and society teaches us that women are inferior to men; shame on those who go out there and follow their dreams.”

To be frank, I don’t know which is worse. But, I am shocked that 99% of the comments published under the picture that the thing posted came from women and from people that grew up in an era where issues of morality and ethics are relative. I am not getting into the whole abortion debate as we all know the arguments for and against, and really, that’s not the issue here. I will focus more on the stupidity involved in “thinking” of such sensitive subjects.

As I read through the comments I realised that I was more pissed off with not what they were writing per se, but the way all of them agreed with one another like they were members of some sort of secret society of grand virtue, intelligence, morality, and court-like standards. I wouldn’t be surprised if these people turned out to be the same ones that argue for the idea of an Aryan race, exhibit Hitler-like characteristics, believe that the Earth is only 2,000 years old, or believe that there is a white-bearded white man sitting on a cloud holding a lighting and waiting to strike someone that did something “wrong”.

On the other hand, these same (hypocritical) people may engage in morally questionable actions during their everyday lives. But who cares about all these when you have in front of you a “baby murderer” right? That is the ultimate sin, they say, because you choose to “kill”, or let a human being die. Well, I’ve got news for you: people die every day, in Africa 60 babies per day do so.

People, the world is not black and white. If it is, then you are probably a dog (that’s a myth by the way). As I argued before, we are all hypocritical in nature. But at least some of us have the ability to keep our mouths shut when appropriate, or at least try and express our opinion in a civilised, educated way.

Oh, and just to clarify, babies are not godsend; they come from a blind date between an eager sperm and a very popular egg.

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Generation: Vanity

I introduce to you the generation of vanity:

Woman
* Egocentricity: me me me me!
* Self-esteem: appears to be high even borderline narcissistic but in reality bottom low and highly insecure
* Self-obsession: obvious due to too much make-up, too much hairstyling, too much fake tan, too much of everything
* Thickness: intellectually-challenged, i.e. IQ < 90
* Social disability: no real friendships, bitchiness, gossip, backstabbing, sabotaging
* Loudness: attention-seeker, annoying, wannabe
* Interests: fashion, clubbing, sex, gym
* Education: minimum
* Occupation: girlfriend to rich guy
* Life purpose: next top model, pop star, wife of rich guy

Man
* Egotism: me, mine, and I!

* Self-involvement: own life and needs over and above everyone else's
* Mental abilities: limited, overshadowed by body issues
* Vainglory: muscle-building, greasy hair, body waxing, fake tan
* Social status: relatively high, friendships based on money and greed
* Interests: body building, tennis, strip-clubs, sex
* Education: as much as he can get away with
* Occupation: banker (replace b with w)
* Life purpose: money and sex

Usefulness

- intellectual balance: you can only have a certain amount of Einstein-like humans
- social comparison: used as an example to be avoided by parents to their children
- natural selection: self-explanatory (read Darwin)
- emotional buffer: used as punch balls for venting frustration and hate towards society and its values

Future Directions: Breed Limit
Although useful, people like the above-mentioned need to be limited in terms of reproduction for obvious reasons. As a friend said, if evolution is not doing what it's supposed to do, I better get a shotgun and start helping.


Disclaimer: No I will not start shooting people, I trust evolution.
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Image credit:
C. Allan Gilbert

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Pretentious Open-mindedness

Definition: Excessive or unnecessary display of receptiveness to new or different ideas in an attempt to be "unique"

Synonyms: Bullshitting, shamming, feigning

Applies to: Idiots who think they are "it"

Examples (conscious or sub-conscious reality in parenthesis):

"I am really open-minded man, I mean, I can appreciate all sorts of music" (after all, I believe I am the musical critic of the century and too cool to be associated with just one genre, though.... I really want to fit damn it!)

"I am not racist at all, actually I have friends from all over the world " (since I really want to be the person that changes the world and the way it operates in a vain attempt to be different and develop my low self-esteem)

"I am in an open relationship and I actually like it" (go on try it yourself... with my girlfriend/boyfriend, just don't tell people I am actually so insecure I can't live with myself)

"I believe in my own religion, but I can accept other people's beliefs too" (although I am so eager to look beyond religious boundaries because of my own self-doubt in terms of morality)

"I am not homophobic, I have gay friends too" (if they try to hit on me, I am out because I feel that my sexuality is above everything and anyone who tries to challenge it)

"I can accept criticism, in fact it intrigues me" (although it is a fact that I am perfect and I can do the favour of listening to what normal people have to say since I think I am the smartest person that ever existed on this earth - though without any original ideas)

"I am the coolest person you know, I can accept you as you are" (deep down inside I hate your guts and I hope you die, you lame excuse of a human being)

There are many more examples for which I will need to access the subconscious level to find but will try and add later on.

Disclaimer: I am not excluding myself from the above, in fact what I am trying to say is that this is a way of life for many people. I am criticising those who choose not to admit it and still think they belong in a higher class of the human species (or should I say, animal kingdom?).

With great respect and open-mindedness as always! :)
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Image credit:
http://www.funnysigns.net/

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Human Hypocrisy/ Delusional Life

I have noticed that the most common characteristic in human beings is hypocrisy, mainly towards themselves. And here is why...

Every person has the need to delude themselves during most (if not all) of their day. It starts in the morning, when you pretend to have woken up from what you consider a great sleep and you feel excitement for the day, or more specifically for the job you have "chosen". You continue with your hypocritical skills developing slowly when you ask you colleagues about their day, if they feel that the new coffee maker in the office is better and more efficient than the old one or harder to operate, and if they would prefer Brazil over Cuba for their next destination.

Your hypocrisy unfolds at the meeting with your boss, when he asks if everything is OK and whether you are having any difficulties for which he could provide some sort of help (since he is the greatest boss ever) and you reassure him that everything is perfect and problems at work are not something to worry about since you all work very well together, kind of like brothers and sisters. During lunchtime you hypocrisy takes over when it's time to go home and you can only think of all the unfinished to-dos you still have on your list and the importance of not letting down your boss and colleagues, who you are very fond of. You, as a master in hypocrisy, think of how much better you could work for the sake of the company if you could concentrate just a bit more.

You immediately forget about that since your hypocrisy needs to be focused elsewhere; while you walk towards your brand new Audi car, which you admit needed some intelligent use of your hypocritical skills in order to persuade the bank to give you the money, right? You drive towards home and you now think of the wonderful 4 bedroom house that you designed and built from scratch just like you BOTH always dreamt of, without compromises to each other's tastes - you see, everything is similar, even your tastes in decor. The dinner you are about to have with your perfect -middle class- family which consists of two adults and 3 wonderful, angelic, young ones, is surely the best since your favourite take-away restaurant never lets you down. Your hypocrisy needs to work a bit more now, when during dinner you can't wait to hear about your partner's day at work, your children's homework, and the shared decision about the colour of the new living room curtains.

But don't worry, because your drama doesn't stop here! You still need to persuade yourself that you and your partner are perfect for each other, since it was love at first sight, and since everybody always says how you are the ideal couple. This persuasion process has to be implemented because the day is at its end and you are tired after you had to work so hard on being hypocritical. If you don't do it though, how could you possibly lie on this gigantic bed with your other half who, by the way, still interests you sexually not only due to the 100 carat ring you both carry on your 4th finger and not due to the state/church document that's stuck in some drawer (where the hell is this document?), but because this person is the person you first fell in love with during your teenage years and they haven't changed a bit in the last 20 years you've been together, and you still enjoy each other's company.

By now, not only your hypocrisy has taken over your whole being, but maybe now you are the definition of hypocrisy in the last edition of the Oxford dictionary, since the only person you can think of while you make love to your partner is that model - what's her/his name again?- in volume 24, page 13 of a magazine that a friend sent you in one of those "very much welcomed" e-mails that you receive at work, a job which every single cell in your body hates (because you have always wanted to be a pilot- what the hell are you doing in an office?) because of the anxiety it causes you every day after waking up from a sleep full of nightmares which usually include your partner driving the Audi with the young ones at the back, leaving your favourite restaurant (after they have picked up the usual shitty food you eat every single night- aren't there any other freaking restaurants?) and driving towards your house, where all your colleagues (for whom you wouldn't really care if they went to hell since they only consume precious oxygen) are waiting to surprise you for your 4oth birthday (who told them that you wish to celebrate one more miserable day of your pathetic life?), and instead they end up crashing with high speed on your 4 bedroom house (which you passionately hate because you haven't even chosen its location) while you are standing 3 metres away laughing because the only thing you can think of right now is how well the new red living room curtains (which you haven't chosen either) go with the bloodshed you see in front of you!

This is how you live a successful, delusional life.
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Image credit:
http://www.elistmania.com/

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